beavis & butthead

this is me before i walked all the way home from bromley. the weekend just passed was indeed, a walking one.

i'm off to josh's party in norwich today, and i'm nervously excited. or excitedly nervous? i can't tell which yet, but either way, i'm not sure if pvc gloves will go down a storm in diss.

i made cupcakes, of which i'm praying some photos are taken of. i made an extra effort, and plucked letters out of the sugar decorating alphabet to spell out a number of names and words, including "josh", "birthday", and "twenty one". i rang last night to remind j of when i would be arriving at the coach station. my dad had previously warned me that it was strange to ask whether or not i could bring a suitcase;

"when you go to someone's house they don't get out a tape measure and check how much luggage you've brought"

i couldn't help but ask, and josh agreed this was a strange question. he later told me that he has recently been propostioned by a middle aged gay man. but that's another story. after said phonecall i accidently switched off the answering machine. dad needed to record a new message, instantly. apparently. each attempt he made mistakes, fumbling for words, to the extent that we were both cracked up in silent laughter

soon i'll be leaving for the coach at victoria...

the coach journey was super long and lonely, and i felt that all my fellow passengers, mostly on their way to great yarmouth, were rather unimpressed with me. and perhaps of a shallow gene pull. i felt my nose twisting in to toffee, but was rather amused... to be continued

i'm not the one you want babe

my new turban and pvc gloves arrived yesterday, the first of many ebay purchases to be coming my way. i'm just off out to brick lane, meeting judy and rachel at victoria. i think we'll be too late for shops, so i thought dressing up a little would cheer me up, especially as we're going for a wee drinky in what is arguably the most painstakingly pretentious area in london. however, i like going there every so often, so what does that say about me? :/

i'm going to brave wearing the turban properly on a day when my skin is a bit better and my hair isn't so clean. i really like wearing men's shirts like this!





turban from ebay, jacket from betty jackson at debenhams, scuffed old boots from debenhams, white shirt is my dad's, belt from a charity shop, and the coat i bought in zara vienna whilst travelling - it was reduced from something like 50 euros to 29!

not just another drop in the ocean

i'm really sad when i see other people of my age who have so much natural talent and beauty, let alone drive. it's not just jealousy, it's a horrible longing. wishin' and hopin' and dreamin'

i could rub out all my senses sometimes, just to be further from people i love

selfdramatizing rubbish

i like escaping in books and music
but i also the realm of superficiality where i can judge myself most easily, pretending my ridiculous whimsical purchases will make me someone happier, and someone different. not beige, not watery, not a mollusc or a flea or a pea brained pigeon

slimy traces on the pavement
molluscs, their pathetic pace
but if you lean in very closely
they leave silver with their slithers




i'm making dinner, what are you having?

i've been searching and wondering

i'm sorry i haven't posted anything for an age, and if i'm saying sorry to anyone, i suppose it's myself. recently i returned from my interrail trip around Europe with my friend Claire. it was one of the most worthwhile things i have done for a really long time, and between train hopping and sightseeing, i believe it has helped me grow and develop. somehow we both managed to be rather responsible, and didn't have any real fights or arguments. i'll just start off with a few diary accounts i wrote on the trip...

3rd July - London to Brussels, Brussels to Amsterdam
this morning we got up at 4.45am. naturally i didn't sleep as well as i ought to have, but i was excited. the eurostar journey went relatively quickly, as claire and i planned what we may be doing from city to city. before we knew it we were off the train and in brussels! okay, so all we saw of brussels was the train station, as we then left for amsterdam. however, i managed to speak a little french getting redbulls and marlboro lights in the newsagents - very belgian, i know. we started drinking around ten... it was heineken though, originally brewed in amsterdam, so that was alright. looking out of the train window, the land is so surreally flat. i've seen so many people walking their little dogs, and the expanse of the country planes makes them seem endless.








4th July - Amsterdam to Hamburg
yesterday in amsterdam was wonderfully relaxed, but we can easily justify that we soaked up a lot of culture, as well as sun. we dumped our bags in our hostel, and were welcomed by four sleepy dorm mates. the two swedish girls weren't particularly sociable, but the '21' year old australians, marco and alex(?) were amiable. we let them go back to sleep and walked around the quaint canals and the vondel park. the tall, attached buildings were very sweet and pretty, and every second person looked like a fashion model. every space available in the city is used for something; there are hardly any benches, and cyclepaths are inconspicuous affairs in the middle of pedestrian pavements. it's an extremely efficent place, and the streets were full in the heat. claire and i later went to a coffee house for the good old amsterdam 'coffee'. we both had the weakest pre-rolled hash joints, and a space cake each. later on we were really very stoned as the space cakes took their toll. once back at the hostel we chatted to the aussies, who were kind but a little straight edge and extremely unimpressed. claire went mad and started tripping around singing, and i was paranoid, going completely schiz. we both crashed out and marco bought us both a sandwich, which i stuffed as soon as they left the room. today we managed to be out of bed by nine, and stumbled on to a tempramental pedalo. comedies such as "only fools and horses" spring to mind, as we frantically pedalled for our lives, narrowly escaping being an extension of a number of motorboats. afterwards we looked around some of the churches, then the red light district. unlike the reeperbahn in hamburg, the girls stand infront of glass doors, and are most likely there from 9am onwards everyday. we got the earlier train to uterecht, and then changed at osnabruk. i am writing this at five to seven, on the train to hamburg


5th July - Hamburg
hamburg has been what will probably be our most relaxing stop. it was so lovely to see my first ever aupair, who i see fairly often. she looked after me when i was three to four, and ever since she's been the first of many adopted sisters! i slept so well last night. i was worried that claire wasn't having much fun, and felt a little out of place, but felli said she was really liked her. after i ate what i call a hearty 'meat salad' in a turkish café, along with claire, felli, and her boyfriend benedikt